Judge Comments - Round Three by fancylances, literature
Literature
Judge Comments - Round Three
LotusLeif VS legolass1119 5 - 0
LotusLeif:
I've never seen an entry that starts out with the contestant dying (or near-dying, anyway). That's intense. I like how you're using the other characters, the ones that you no longer have an obligation to use. They have stories, too, and its good of you to help get those out. Mitte's injuries are a little confusingly written- I mean, how bad is it that he can be all stitched up, complaining about walking, and then run off alone? But overall, that's really a minor point.
I'm enjoying reading these two plot threads and following them along. Your entries keep the energy up, which is good at this point
Judge Comments - Round Two by fancylances, literature
Literature
Judge Comments - Round Two
Umbrascitor VS Ro9ge & dogmancody (3 - 0 by forfeit)
comments - Umbrascitor
I'm torn. I really love the way you write. I love the way you take Diesel City and run with it. I love your ambience and how well you capture not only your opponents' characters, but also just the feel for the world they come from. BUT. And this is a really big But. I feel as if you've taken the story over. You've made your characters (Abacus is especially guilty of this) the main or only focus of the world around them. And I feel as if this is a little conceited. Inserting characters in an OCT world for the sake of the OCT is fun and all, but when you make as if th
He's been around a circuit of the city going on three days, and he's not sure if he's slept or not. There was a three hour nod-off in the greasy spoon off Hawthorn on the Westside, but Charlie's not sure if that should count or not. He'd been doing as much digging as a man on his own could, but after thirty-six hours of nothing piled on nothing with a bit of nothing on the side, the gumshoe is starting to wonder if there's anything to be found out at all.
If you loved Strike, help us.
The thing is, Charlie doesn't know who he's supposed to be helping. Or even how.
It's dark out by the time Charlie decides it's time to hoof it back to the o
Judge Comments - Round One by fancylances, literature
Literature
Judge Comments - Round One
ROUND ONE JUDGE COMMENTS
Leohan VS LadybugScribbles & RC0022 (3 - 0)
Leohan:
Overall, your entry felt to me like it was written as if a series of observations. You mostly told us what was happening as opposed to showing us. It kind of took this structure akin to "this is what's happening and why" or "this is how the character feels and why", when you don't really need to explain everything so matter-of-factly.
Again, like in your audition, I couldn't really get a feel of the setting.
You made a really interesting, colorful antagonist for your round, but I'm not quite convinced you utilized him as much as you could have. I didn't really u
LIST OF CHARACTERS
Former Patrons of Diesel City
Ephemera (1890-1896) invisibility, teleportation
Doggeral (1896-1899) animal empathy, mainly canines
Mister Fireball (1899-1903) fire manipulation/creation
Titania (1903-1907) metal manipulation/secretion
Morningstar (1907-1909) create small explosions/fireworks
Prismar (1909-1913) light manipulation, crystal formation
Corporal Valiant (1913-1917) enhanced speed, super strength
Midnight Strike (1917-1931) shadow manipulation, shadow walking
6'3", imposing but not obviously, physically strong; signature black suit, cape, and party mask, completed by a wide-brimmed black hat; Strike wa
Good morning, ladies and gents, this is your old friend Davy McCracken of the Diesel City News Houryour friendly voice in the morning! And what a morning it's looking to be, folks. The sun's barely up and already it looks like a record-breaker in waiting. It's gonna be even hotter than yesterday, kiddies, so put on your sun bonnets before you step outside for your daily constitutional! Yessir, there's never been
A crackle.
I'm in the middle of the morning report, Joe
His voice is muffled. Charlie looks up from his oatmeal, wipes the milk from his chin. This has never happened before.
What? Oh, Jesus
Charlie jumps
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